Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Test for Business and Personal Relationships

Here's a test I just wrote.

It's on failed friendships. And bad hires.

You ready? Get a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Remember, you can use this to determine what friends to make and keep and what employees to hire or fire. Here we go!

Regarding your friend or employee ...

1. Does this person have trouble with his family because of a major dysfunctional issue? If yes, write down the number 1.

2. Does this person have a serious issue with God? Either atheist, pagan, or uber-hateful religious in a sick way that's all about self and not really about God? If yes, write down the number 2.

3. Does this person have a history of healthy relationships with the opposite sex? If no, write down the number 3.

4. Does this person have an active addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, the computer, or anything similar? If so, write down the number 4.

5. Is this person unable to hold down a regular job for more than three years? Does this person have a history of being discontented with his or her career or employer? Is this person chronically unemployed or underemployed? If yes, write down the number 5.

6. Is this person either an ALIEN or a VAMPIRE (as described in my previous posts)? If so, write down the number 20.

Total your numbers.

Under 5 - This will be a good, healthy friend or worker. Green flag.

6 to 10 - If this is the best you can do, fine; but there's trouble in paradise. Yellow flag.

Over 10 - Stay away! Red flag.

NOTE: Some Facebook friends said, "You can't ask an employee about his religion." Obviously. You also can't ask an employee about his dysfunctional family background and you can't ask him if he's a vampire or an alien. I'm just saying that in either business or personal relations, these are indicia (that's right indicia) of trouble. And I've weighed them accordingly. Messed up religion only scores a 2. That's because almost everybody has a messed up religion, and it's not as serious an indicator of a messed up personality, as is, say, addiction or chronic underemployment. I'm not saying you can ask about these things in an interview, nor am I saying you can legally apply this test as an employer. Just for fun, you see? Kind of like a horoscope. Only this is based on emperical data and experience.

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