Saturday, September 1, 2012

Sex, Sin and Compromise

[This is a diary entry from a while back.  The names have been changed to protect the real people.  Warning - I'm a bit vulgar and blunt in places, though I've replaced the street slang with bracketed euphemisms.]

August 18, 2004

Thinking about my actress Vickie and what I've learned about her. 

Last tour we went on, when I lectured Vickie about the dangers of sin, when I told her that the reason she was unsure if her boyfriend was right for her was that her judgment was clouded by their illicit sexual activity, Vickie replied, “You are making an assumption that things are going on, and they’re not.”  

“Vickie,” I said, “any sexual activity between unmarried people is a grave sin, not just intercourse.”  She got silent and pouted a bit.  “Sin clouds our judgment.  Sin is a denial of the Truth, and one of its effects on us is to blind us to the Truth when we seek it, even when we’re not trying to deny it.  If you weren’t engaging in sexual activity with Mark, you would have a much better idea of how you felt about him, and you wouldn’t be groping about with the question of whether or not he’s right for you.”

Vickie has had three boyfriends in her life, which means, I think, three guys she’s cared for enough to give [oral sex] to.  The first was named Karl, and he was a lackluster type, a loser in training.  The second was named Glen, of a devout Catholic family, and this was a guy she really loved.  But after three years of dating in college, she broke up with him because he was not spending time with her; he was spending all of his time working at jobs he didn’t like because he really wanted to make lots of money.  The first time Vickie told me about Glen, she almost cried.  She loved both him and his family, and it still hurts her that they split.  Now she’s “settled for” Mark, a gap-toothed goober from Waterloo, with whom she seems compatible, and whom she tells on the cell phone, “I love you, too.”  (Never, “I love you.”)  But whom she never speaks of highly – if at all – in all the hours we spend together on stage and on the road.

Now this is none of my business, any of this, but it annoys me emphatically.  She is too devoted to her faith simply to [fornicate with] Mark (apparently), so the Great Compromise is [fellatio].  So in a sense she’s in the worst of both worlds: she is neither sinning boldly, nor remaining pure.  She is sinning by compromise, timidly, convinced that what she’s doing is not wrong.  How can such a beautiful, blessed Catholic girl do such a thing?  You almost want to say, “If you’re going to sin, for God’s sake, sin!  Do it deliberately and feel horrible about it afterwards.”  Instead, she’s “not really sinning” and she feels just fine, thank you.  But she wonders if he’s really the guy for her!



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