Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Man I've Settled For

This is the actress' opening monologue in my murder mystery Lifeless in Seattle


ANNIE:  Hello, ladies and gentlemen, friends and family!  I’m so excited!  You all thought that little Annie Reed would never get married!  Well, guess what!  After years of loneliness and misery, I’ve finally found the man of my dreams!  And he’s agreed to come here tonight and meet my family, for the very first time.  As you know, I’ve been picky – very selective.  I’ve always been a romantic at heart.  Not any man would do.  I wanted someone sensitive yet rugged, caring yet tough, suave yet brutish – and although the man I’ve got doesn’t really match any of those criteria ... nevertheless, I plan to marry him anyway!  So please welcome, the man I’ve settled for – Winthrop Peruse!

And in walks Winthrop (see below)



My actress who is playing the part of Annie tells me of a friend of hers who has just become engaged to an out of work 20-something who spends all day on the computer and video games, and who has managed to get added to her health insurance since they're "living together".

"I told her the engagement was a bad idea," the actress said.

***

This tendency, which I see with almost every young actress I've ever worked with, this tendency to get desperate and to settle, used to be known as pusillanimity - the forgotten vice - the opposite of magnanimity, the forgotten virtue.

Endless Adolescence has given us guys approaching thirty who live like thick headed teenagers.  I was guilty of this myself, but I'm glad my wife Karen "settled" on me all the same.  It wasn't until we started having kids, and I was in my 30's, that I started living with any consistent maturity.

But today's grown men never have kids - and thus they never become grown men.

***

Winthrop also appears in next month's show, The Horrible Hobbit Homicide.  This is the exchange at the end of Act One ...

BAMBI:  Oh, Winthrop, will you do it?  Will you help me escape the clutches of that horrible man I’m living with?

WINTHROP:  Well, I don’t know, I – uh –

BAMBI:  Kill Max for me, and I’ll let you play World of Warcraft on our honeymoon.

WINTHROP:  You’ve got a deal!  

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