Sunday, October 13, 2013

Keep One Thing in Mind

If you've been used or abused by someone - especially someone you cared for who's betrayed you, here's how you stay sane.

Just remember that people who really love don't behave like this.  Maybe your abuser tried to love you but couldn't because of his or her own issues, or maybe your abuser was simply using you and you were a mere object to him or her, quick to be discarded when you were no longer of use - either way, the opposite of love is use.  When someone loves you, he or she will not use you.  Period.

And "use" includes all extramarital sexual contact, including seductive words or actions, or exposure to pornography at any time.  "Abuse" is a word applied more properly to the molesting of children, but "use" is something we've all experienced - even non-sexual forms of "use".  We've all (in both sexual and non-sexual ways) used others and been used by others, and we know how horrible it makes us feel, whether we're using or being used.

And sometimes love and use are knotted together, grace and sin combined.  Untangling that knot is tricky, unless you keep the One Thing in mind: to the extent that you have been used or abused, you have not been loved.

Love does not behave like this.

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