Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Sinner Repents

The Sinner wrote a post here a while back.  He's just sent me another one.  He writes like I do and links to some of my stuff.  But I'll try not to hold that against him.

We can either feed the Hungry I or we can trust in God.
Here is the secret thing my Hungry I has always wanted - to be adored and to adore safely without fear of abandonment.  For the past few years I've pursued this with a vengeance, even in ways that were at best near occasions of sin; but certainly in ways that were outright sinful - in ways that were as addictive as a drug.  It was kind of a mid-life crisis.  
And God, in His grace, let me go for it: the "drug", the "high", the whole thing.
And I was miserable.  Unbelievably miserable.  Because even when it seemed I had what I wanted, the Hungry I still wanted more.  It was never satisfied.  Perhaps because the apparent satisfaction was an illusion.  Like all "drugs", like all sin, it led to a crash and burn and great grief and pain.
So to hell with it.  To hell not only with sin, but with "making provision for the flesh and the lusts thereof" - in other words to hell with feeding the Hungry I.  To hell with it.  (It's either me saying, "to hell with it" or it saying "to hell with me" - literally).
I'm going to do the one thing we're called to do as Christians - the one really radical thing.  I'm going to forget about my "issues", and trust in God.  I'm going to love others (even when they hurt me) and do His will (I hope).  
Because He let me try it my way.  And my way didn't work.  So I'm turning to His way, which is the only Way - the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Well ... I'm sure he'll sin again.

But if he really gives up living for that corrupt little tyrant within - that "Hungry I" as he calls it - well, he'd have a lot less worries and life would be filled with a simple kind of joy, wouldn't it?

Maybe that's the inner equilibrium that makes up the inside of holiness.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Pardon the change of subject here, but thought you ought to know Kevin that your email address to TheWordInc has failed to receive emails. I have tried writing to you and got a failed error when sent.

D.