Saturday, February 22, 2014

Interview with a Mid-Life Crisis

Q. I'm joined today by Mid-Life Crisis Man.  Welcome.

A. Thank you.

Q. So what's it like to go through a Mid-Life Crisis?

A. It's great!  There ain't many 53-year-old men with a hair transplant and a pot belly who have a beautiful 22-year-old woman in their lives.

Q. Your wife is a stripper at a club on the East Side, isn't that right?

A. She's an exotic dancer.  Not a stripper.

Q. What's the difference?

A. She doesn't use a pole.

Q. I see.  Do you have much in common, you and -

A. Brandi.  Yes, quite a bit.  She's wonderful, intelligent, sensitive and a great artist.  I'm cashing in my retirement fund to buy her a studio near the beach where she can sell her artwork.  She'll do great, I just know it!

Q. And your first wife?

A. That marriage was annulled.  I hardly think about her.  I let our five kids worry about the ex.  She finally got a job so I can get the court to lower the child support.  Thank God!

Q. You drive a really nice car.

A. When I turned 50, I was bald.  So I covered the top of my head and put the top down on the car.  That's all it took.  That and a really healthy portfolio.

Q. That's all?

A. Well, almost.  When I met Brandi, all I had to say was, "I've got a really really big one."  Then I showed her the statement from my mutual fund and she was hooked.

Q. One more question -

A. Sorry!  Brandi's texting!  Gotta run!