Q. I'm joined today by Mid-Life Crisis Man. Welcome.
A. Thank you.
Q. So what's it like to go through a Mid-Life Crisis?
A. It's great! There ain't many 53-year-old men with a hair transplant and a pot belly who have a beautiful 22-year-old woman in their lives.
Q. Your wife is a stripper at a club on the East Side, isn't that right?
A. She's an exotic dancer. Not a stripper.
Q. What's the difference?
A. She doesn't use a pole.
Q. I see. Do you have much in common, you and -
A. Brandi. Yes, quite a bit. She's wonderful, intelligent, sensitive and a great artist. I'm cashing in my retirement fund to buy her a studio near the beach where she can sell her artwork. She'll do great, I just know it!
Q. And your first wife?
A. That marriage was annulled. I hardly think about her. I let our five kids worry about the ex. She finally got a job so I can get the court to lower the child support. Thank God!
Q. You drive a really nice car.
A. When I turned 50, I was bald. So I covered the top of my head and put the top down on the car. That's all it took. That and a really healthy portfolio.
Q. That's all?
A. Well, almost. When I met Brandi, all I had to say was, "I've got a really really big one." Then I showed her the statement from my mutual fund and she was hooked.
Q. One more question -
A. Sorry! Brandi's texting! Gotta run!