Monday, April 7, 2014

The Ugly Truths

A Facebook friend posted a link to a funny and depressing article entitled The 18 Ugly Truths about Dating.

As Larry the Cable Guy says, "Now that I'm married, I don't date much anymore."  Still, I found the article fascinating, both for what it says and for what people are saying in the comments.

To begin with, Rule One ...

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

That's brutal, but true.  Dating isn't all about love, it's often about power.

... and a few others ...

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends' (or other potential romantic interests') whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun / interesting than you on the table.

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

... and Number Eighteen ...

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilĂ , relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.

... to which "Neicey" responds in the combox ...

Texting is for cowards... Pick up the damn phone and call. ... You can't hear laughter in an LOL.

(That's a great line: "You can't hear laughter in an LOL.")

... while others have advice for the author of the 18 Ugly Truths ...

You can tell each and everyone of the people you described in this article to go to hell ... if they are playing games move on. The problem here is not "modern times" it is your navigation of the dating world, which is not that different from people who couldn't navigate the dating world 50 years ago, in fact it is nearly identical. 

... while commenter Wesley laments ...

Wow people deal with this? ... In other words, if you find yourself judging someone against any of these criteria, sincerely, just ignore them and move on. ... They are not worth your time.

... and someone calling himself "Interested in Anything" does not, apparently, have "Anything Interested in Him" ...

I just got done with a situation like that - she was all in for two weeks, constantly contacting me, seeking me out online, on IM, everything. That is, until someone she liked better showed an interest. Then instead of just being clear she decided to ignore me for a couple days, and when I finally cornered her and asked OK, what is going on, I get the, "I guess we just work better as friends. This right here, I don't like it."
Right. Save everyone time and just be clear, don't disappear and hope the other person doesn't notice.

... Strawberry girl confirms an Ugly Truth that goes beyond even dating ...

Believe me its horrible being dumped by text. I was with my hubby for 20 years when he dumped me that way!

Now, when I dump my wife Karen, it won't be by text.  I'll have the manly fortitude to do it by Facebook Instant Messenger.

... but "Duh" (that's right, he calls himself "Duh") puts an exclamation point on all of it ...

These are only true if you set low standards and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat.

... and yet I get the feeling Duh spends most of his time at home.

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