Monday, September 10, 2012

A Rant of Pain

OK, I'm going to get this out of my system.

Members of my immediate family have been victimized by sexual abuse.  I can tell you personally of the pain it causes.  I can tell you that when an otherwise good Catholic that I will not identify writes a blog post in which she argues that if an adult has sex with, say, a fourteen year old it's not CHILD ABUSE because teens are sexual creatures and when priests have sex with them (she argues in so many words) it's because the kids want it- I want to scream.

When one of the best men I know is thrown into a dark night of the soul, into drinking and weeping over Bishop Finn enabling CHILD ABUSE and members of Finn's Opus Dei prelature covering up, lying, and making excuses for him and belittling the severity of this abuse - I want to get drunk and weep a bit myself.

When commenters here and elsewhere on the blogosphere are defending Fr. Groeschel's indefensible defense of abusers, which consisted of blaming the victims for seducing them; and when these same commenters read Bill Donohue's lies but refuse to read the facts of the case regarding Bishop Finn's conviction - I want to hit somebody.

And for me this is tied in with everything else.

In my twelve years as an adult convert to the Catholic Church, I have seen this issue build. 

Why is the music bad and the architecture ugly? 

  • Because nobody cares. 

Why has the sacrament of Confirmation become "graduation from church"? 

  • Because nobody cares. 

Why are openly homosexual bishops allowed to turn seminaries into gay orgy factories and destroy the faith of their dioceses, some given full reign to do so over a thirty or forty year period? 

  • Because nobody cares. 

Why is it that neither adults nor children know the fundamentals of Catholic teaching on Faith and Morals? 

  • Because nobody cares.

Why are principals of Catholic parochial schools allowed to bully parents and children and lock out any and all constructive criticism?

  • Because nobody cares.

Why are priests allowed to ABUSE CHILDREN and bishops allowed to enable them to do do?

  • Because nobody cares.

Why are Catholic media celebrities defended when they propagate anti-Catholic teaching and make excuses for anti-Catholic political candidates?

  • Because nobody cares.

Well, I care.

I care about this Church and I've had enough.

These blog posts - all of them - come from a place of pain.

There's nothing I can do to make other people care.  We have an actress who's an atheist Lesbian, and she's a better person than 90% of the Christians I know.  But that's not my problem.

I can't fix bishops, popes, deacons, or 90% of other Christians.

I can fix myself.  I can renounce the sin that's in my own dark heart, the very sin that allows me to see it and hate it in others.  I can repent and believe.  I can be the best father, husband, and friend that I can.  I can kick all secret devotion to lies and half-truths out of my life.  I can continue the white martyrdom of blogging and running Theater of the Word Incorporated - an apostolate that has received more persecution of various kinds in the past few years than I can even describe.

I can realize that it's all about Christ and me and my neighbor.

And I can get on with my life.

But I will not shut up.  I will cry when I have to, rant when it seems it must be done, and never back down.  I hate sin and all of the lousy excuses we make for it, the copious room we give it in our souls.  We invite sin in, we set up an easy chair for it, we make it a nice drink, we invite it to sit down and visit with us.  We even take it into the bedroom and make love to it.  It bears our progeny.  And we laugh and go to Mass on Sunday and parrot the Act of Contrition and secretly, silently harbor this hidden sick cancer that enslaves us and pays us nothing but the wages of death.

Good God, please help us and turn us toward You.

Pray for victims of sin and for their sinful victimizers.


Joey Higgins said...

You probably weren't going for this, but I greatly appreciate your blogging... I think that some people, a lot of people don't or won't understand.

I do know from experience that people love beauty and they yearn for it, experience things that are great - your blog is part of understanding that beauty. I've shared your posts with many people because you explain things excellently/better than I can.

Thank you for that.

ck said...

Whew! I thought the mood lately was that you were going to throw in the towel on this whole Catholic thing. Never give up!

You are a unique voice of sanity and clarity. Keep up the good work, and if you haven't made a Marian Consecration yet may I recommend that you do. It would be a shame not to maximize the merits of your frustration for the benefit of the world.

Fr. Frank said...

What I wouldn't give to be able to talk to you. You have read my soul. Christ bless you and keep you near His Heart. Pray for me.

Kevin O'Brien said...

Fr. Frank, my public phone number is 1-888-840-WORD. God bless you.