Theological Rewrite

I've been hired to rewrite the above ad to reflect a greater theological accuracy.

"Sadly, many of our beloved senior customers have gone to heaven. Or possibly to hell. Old Lady Bernice - yeah, she's in hell. Purgatory for some, I imagine - though von Balthazar would suggest that there is the outside shot that all of them are in fact in heaven; personally, I knew these women well and old Hans can Ur my Von Balthazar, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we need some new angels to fill our chairs. Not angels, per se, who don't have hair - at least not physical hair (after all, how many angels can dance on the end of a hairpin? ha ha - but I digress); but moral angels, by which I mean people of good behavior who tip me well. In brief, we need new customers. OK?"

Comments

Terry Nelson said…

You really are funny.

November 6, 2013 at 2:03 PM

Anonymous said…

Dead humans do not become angels. Angels never have had nor never will have bodies. As of right now humans have no bodies in Heaven, hell or purgatory. After the resurrection there will be bodies in Heaven and hell.

(The exceptions to no bodies in Heaven being Our Lord, the Blessed Mother, Enoch, Elijah, and possibly Moses.)

The ever pedantic Dr. Eric

November 7, 2013 at 8:26 AM

The Full Story on Bishop Finn

" Let's step outside and settle this thing like men ," she said, and she was a lady. " You're spewing anti-Catholic rhetoric !" he insisted. "How can you criticize a bishop when you're an actor and everyone knows actors are perverts and nitwits ," she screamed. (That last gal had a point). These are all reactions to my post last week about Rod Dreher's article on Bishop Finn's Indictment. And above all, people are charging me with believing the biased media coverage of the scandal. This, at least, is not true. In fact, everything I say in this post will be taken not from a media account of the scandal , but from the independent report on it as commissioned by the diocese , the Graves Report, which you can read on your own here . So let's shove the media aside and see for ourselves what's contained in this internal diocesan report conducted by an independent firm. *** Fr. Shawn Ratigan was a priest of the diocese of Kansas Cit...

What Follows ...

At one point I took all of these posts down, because I felt I had been far too willingly brainwashed into a religious system that was doing more harm than good. But, lately, I decided to republish some of the more interesting posts. What follows is about ten percent of what I posted from 2007 to 2021. They are in an odd chronological order, becuase Blogger is a clunky. Meanwhile, you can find my more sane (and more recent) musings here - https://theateroftheword.substack.com .

Charlie Johnston's Followers take the Next Wrong Step

NOTE - On April 29, 2106, Charlie Johnston responded to this post and my previous one with outright lies, doing his best to libel me in the process. I go into detail about that here - Charlie Johnston Lies about Me - and I Admire Him for It! Charlie is one of the most outrageous frauds in the Catholic Church. He actually fascinates me - in a sad way. Read on ... Charlie Johnston is a false prophet. His archbishop has "strongly" advised Catholics to be cautious of him. His archbishop has also banned him from speaking in his own archdiocese. Charlie, in the great tradition of false prophets, has spun this warning to his own advantage , and Charlie's True Believers have rallied around him and have been guzzling the Kool-Aid since the bishop's letter and Charlie's spin appeared earlier this week. I posted about Charlie Johnston last fall , detailing at least one of his prophecies that have proven false, and detailing, from evidence on his Faceb...

Waiting for Godot to Leave

Search This Blog