I've been hired to rewrite the above ad to reflect a greater theological accuracy.
"Sadly, many of our beloved senior customers have gone to heaven. Or possibly to hell. Old Lady Bernice - yeah, she's in hell. Purgatory for some, I imagine - though von Balthazar would suggest that there is the outside shot that all of them are in fact in heaven; personally, I knew these women well and old Hans can Ur my Von Balthazar, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we need some new angels to fill our chairs. Not angels, per se, who don't have hair - at least not physical hair (after all, how many angels can dance on the end of a hairpin? ha ha - but I digress); but moral angels, by which I mean people of good behavior who tip me well. In brief, we need new customers. OK?"