Theological Rewrite

I've been hired to rewrite the above ad to reflect a greater theological accuracy.

"Sadly, many of our beloved senior customers have gone to heaven. Or possibly to hell. Old Lady Bernice - yeah, she's in hell. Purgatory for some, I imagine - though von Balthazar would suggest that there is the outside shot that all of them are in fact in heaven; personally, I knew these women well and old Hans can Ur my Von Balthazar, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we need some new angels to fill our chairs. Not angels, per se, who don't have hair - at least not physical hair (after all, how many angels can dance on the end of a hairpin? ha ha - but I digress); but moral angels, by which I mean people of good behavior who tip me well. In brief, we need new customers. OK?"

Comments

Terry Nelson said…

You really are funny.

November 6, 2013 at 2:03 PM

Anonymous said…

Dead humans do not become angels. Angels never have had nor never will have bodies. As of right now humans have no bodies in Heaven, hell or purgatory. After the resurrection there will be bodies in Heaven and hell.

(The exceptions to no bodies in Heaven being Our Lord, the Blessed Mother, Enoch, Elijah, and possibly Moses.)

The ever pedantic Dr. Eric

November 7, 2013 at 8:26 AM

Escape from Utopia

“Karen, I was right! Someone escaped! She says they are a cult!” I said to my wife, exuberant. It was Monday, Labor Day. We were at the Lake of the Ozarks, in mid-Missouri, and Karen, my wife, noticed a group of people standing near the overlook on the hill above the lake’s dam. A man about my age was about to take a picture of a group of teenagers with the lake in the background. All of them were well groomed, well behaved and wearing polo shirts and caps that said “Shepherdsfield” on them. Karen offered to take the picture for this man, so he could be in it as well. He was very grateful. “What’s Shepherdsfield?” I asked after the photo had clicked. “We’re a Christian community near Fulton, Missouri,” the man answered. “We’re on our Reward Trip. These young people have been working very hard all summer, and we’re taking them on a Reward Trip before school starts again.” My eyes locked with one of the young people....

Charlie Johnston's Followers take the Next Wrong Step

NOTE - On April 29, 2106, Charlie Johnston responded to this post and my previous one with outright lies, doing his best to libel me in the process. I go into detail about that here - Charlie Johnston Lies about Me - and I Admire Him for It! Charlie is one of the most outrageous frauds in the Catholic Church. He actually fascinates me - in a sad way. Read on ... Charlie Johnston is a false prophet. His archbishop has "strongly" advised Catholics to be cautious of him. His archbishop has also banned him from speaking in his own archdiocese. Charlie, in the great tradition of false prophets, has spun this warning to his own advantage , and Charlie's True Believers have rallied around him and have been guzzling the Kool-Aid since the bishop's letter and Charlie's spin appeared earlier this week. I posted about Charlie Johnston last fall , detailing at least one of his prophecies that have proven false, and detailing, from evidence on his Faceb...

A Note on my Religious Work

For those of you who know me from EWTN, the Society of GK Chesterton, the Prairie Troubadours or The St. Austin Review, I am no longer affiliated with any of those groups. "The truth will set you free" ( John 8:32 ) "To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice." ( John 18:37 ) If we deny the truth, we are bad Christians and bad human beings. If we put our faith in a lie - including a Big Lie - we are bad Christians and bad human beings. If we endorse vulgarity, violence, bullying, gaslighting, fraud, irrational conspiracy theories, sedition and hate, we are bad Christians and bad human beings. Since March of 2020, I have felt like a character in the play Rhinoceros by Eugene Ionesco. In that play, the bestial inhumanity of rhinoceroses becomes a fad and people start turning into them - willingly discarding reason and free will and mocking others who don...

Waiting for Godot to Leave

Search This Blog