Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Theological Rewrite

I've been hired to rewrite the above ad to reflect a greater theological accuracy.

"Sadly, many of our beloved senior customers have gone to heaven.  Or possibly to hell.  Old Lady Bernice - yeah, she's in hell.  Purgatory for some, I imagine - though von Balthazar would suggest that there is the outside shot that all of them are in fact in heaven; personally, I knew these women well and old Hans can Ur my Von Balthazar, if you know what I mean.  Anyway, we need some new angels to fill our chairs.  Not angels, per se, who don't have hair - at least not physical hair (after all, how many angels can dance on the end of a hairpin? ha ha - but I digress); but moral angels, by which I mean people of good behavior who tip me well.  In brief, we need new customers.  OK?"


Terry Nelson said...

You really are funny.

Anonymous said...

Dead humans do not become angels. Angels never have had nor never will have bodies. As of right now humans have no bodies in Heaven, hell or purgatory. After the resurrection there will be bodies in Heaven and hell.

(The exceptions to no bodies in Heaven being Our Lord, the Blessed Mother, Enoch, Elijah, and possibly Moses.)

The ever pedantic Dr. Eric